"There are those among us who are blessed with the power to save what is loved by another. But powerless to use this blessing for love themselves".
Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart, The Element Of Freedom, 2009
This song hits every part of my core.
From lost lovers, to broken hearts, family rejection, loss of friends, loss of grandparents, grieving loved ones gone too soon, euphoric recalls, blue animations, elusive epiphanies, moving to a different country, going back to it, staying in a new city, puzzled by cognitive dissonances, frustrated by writer blocks, traveling alone, peering into cotton clouds through airplane window seats, kissing and waving goodbyes in airports, coach and train stations, childhood traumas and adult ones, unintended smokescreens, high reaching ambitions, coy pitfalls and soft landings, road trips and rail journeys to off the beaten paths, showing vulnerabilities, knowing responsibility early in childhood, through betrayals and false claims of clairvoyance, being sleepless in cities and dreamy in some, rides in ambulances, solo hotel check-ins and calls for room service, silly dramas to petty jealousies, my creativity, to remarkable admirations, through reconciliations and bewildering wide berths, hospital corridors, misconceptions and unconscious biases, starting new jobs and office leaving dos, memories of Prince (RIP), to illusions and delusions, paving through my lack of judgment of unrequited love, misreads of potential ‘hook-up’ tensions and non- reciprocal crushes, taking my ‘L’s taking my f^cking ‘L’s, settling well with an open mind, getting lost watching the waves of the sea, through to beautiful sunset walks on sandy beaches, scary nightmares, accepting what I need and not what I want, mid-summer meadows and depressing winter dark nights, self compassion, ongoing discovery and therapy for my core, impulsive spontaneity, being too upset I could barely stop sobbing, self- pity and self-remorse, absurd logics, silhouettes of seasons, navigating through pretty tough ambivalences to a coordinated mind, growth and beauty, wonders to thunders, pillow talks to pillow tears, forgiving myself and trying to forgive others, experiencing sensual luxuries and letting go, having great times and understanding the need for hardships, obscure arguments to pent up feelings, my foolishness and lack of intuition, times of (re)healing, recovery, past bouts of reactions stemming from a young lady with a bad temper, good control and balance, bounce backs from serious sickness episodes, navigating the world on topics such as world wars, global terror and child poverty, a desire to long for more, fears of an early mortality, meditating through silence, thriving on rejection, simulating regrets and mistakes, a silly Catholic guilt to dumping religion, crying over jazz, northern and neo soul, finding my path through rock bottom, shifting my personal narratives and (re)basing them on self worth, loving the framework of my identity as a dual national of 2 beautiful countries, lingering on passionate kisses missed, teenage love affairs, the painful resulting anticipation stemming from distant relationships, learning to receive and relax, through my pursuit of hedonism, finding my cause, dancing nights away under the illumination of the moon, holiday romances that were some of the best times of my life, understanding true fulfillment, understanding true happiness, through wandering thoughts, a show of affection, hospital beds, rebel hearts, magical fascinations and flat feels, holiday blues, warm cuddles, trying new interests, dumping them, upholding my values through reassertion, living my fantasies, the tale of love stories, writing poetry, drinking beautiful red wine and getting emotional, every time I am being told I am a new god-parent, getting off a horse after riding it, boat rides in Europe, lost in a good book, lost in a city, meeting strangers and falling in lust with them, Saturday long showers or hotel bath soaks, when he travels and I miss him, in my silences and me-times, through selective memories, to missing my family, through artist dates, morning pages, journal entries, unforgettable laughters, lonely Christmases in my 20s without family, Tuesday dates, spending New Year’s Eve and New Year mornings on a hospital bed, giving my fish pets away, being risk averse, being restless and loving inertia, being broody and yet unbothered about kids, through hopeless nomadic episodes to being dynamic and unconventional, floating in water, hating astrology and swearing by it, understanding unconditional love, crushing a dysfunctional sense of responsibility and letting go, finding balance, certainty and self love.
Finding balance, certainty and self love.
Finding balance, certainty and self love.
...and without a doubt finding the ELEMENT of my FREEDOM.
Thank you Alicia Keys for the gift of music, one that I will resonate with.
From here, in life, and till my dying day. This song means a lot to me and represents too many things in my life. I can’t write it all. It saved me. 10 years past and I haven’t stopped listening to it.
10 years on and I am still in love 😍