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Marriage; the art of losing legacy friendships


Marriage is my definition of 'get hitched, start to ditch!'

I admit its a rather grey area for many millennials who have a modern perspective on friendships.

Personally, I have always struggled with this subject most of my adult life.

But to be more specific I want to talk about married friends!!!

Not friends you acquired after they had far long established their marital statuses but friends you have known way before they got married.

For me, its friends of the opposite sex, male friends, who I have journeyed with through life and then subsequently watched them get married.

In recent decades, people are now getting married (or remarry) later in life i.e late 30s/40s even 50s.  Some are just not.

Most of these adults are bringing into the marriage, long term, (sometimes decades of) friendships with them. And whilst being single, these friendships were often considered healthy, cherished and endearing because you are in total control of navigating the dynamics of the friendship, in a marriage, its different and could potentially pose a threat depending on the spouse. 

There are generally two options in cases of bringing or ditching a friendship into a marriage and there is usually no grey area around this.

Its either you stand the chance of being assertive to your spouse about brdiging boundaries and the potential of finalising those friendships with the opposite sex and sounding like a right moron or a cold hearted fish…

or (and)

…you 'man' up, be mature about it and accept these friends into the marriage, accepting that there could be a healthy opportunity of welcoming these friendships into your marriage for the sake of your partner.

Or on the adverse side, accept the friendships of your spouse and risk that it could potentially become problematic to you and your marraige. So this is where it gets tricky and most people decide its easier to ditch their friends and focus on the one single person who is important to them.

The spouse.

But logically, this is where open communication should play a vital role, no?

Now, hear this. I grew up with this friend whom I spent most of my lazy youthful days with. He became one of the closest people to me. We also worked together at one point. We spent almost every single day together! Our families know each other.

We had friendly meal dates together, listened to hiphop together, spoke about our lives and growing up, our past and future, our partners, the idiots in our lives, our careers, life and love, all the rubbish of our youth.